I posted on my thread and wanted to stop in and say hello. I am usually up to date on your sitch even though I can't post, however; my modem isn't working so I had to get caught up on your present sitch. Forgive me if I discuss things that are now part of your past.
I think the situation with wife and the BF and the baby was great. It seemed to me that wife wanted you to be well aware that she is single and plans to stay that way for awhile.
As for your inlaws.....A lot of my marital problems were also because of in-laws. H constantly put them before us. Remember while we were married, H's brother stole from us and H wanted to give him a second chance. I knew this was a mistake and voiced my opinion about it while we were married. H defended his brother even though he knew deep down his brother was wrong. I knew his brother would steal from us again, but when he did this time, I let H bad mouth him and never said a word. It sounds like you are doing the same thing with your in-laws but I just wanted to remind you to never bad-mouth the inlaws - NEVER. Wife will realize their mistakes on her own without your help. Actually, if you bad mouth them in any way it will actually cause wife to defend them.
I see that you compliment wife on her mothering abilities. I think this is good because she seems a little insecure in this area from my speed reading through your posts. I think you come across as the better parent and this may make her feel insecure. Keep making her feel like she is the best mother out there.
About the divorce being put on hold....Tread very carefully with this advice because it could mess up all your hard DBing work. The day before my H put the divorce on hold, I called him and told him that we would not be speaking at all once the divorce was final and there was no chance of reconcilation ever. This was a very dangerous move, but it worked for me. H called the next day and put it on hold. The week prior to this happening, I became very distant and acted happy, happy. I don't recommend calling wife and giving this ultimatum but maybe going a little more dark could do some good.
Also, the gift thing could be good. I am pretty distant with H and when I do something that is on the pursuing side he really reacts more positively that I could ever imagine. This doesn't go along with the going dark advice so keep that in mind.
The advice I am giving in this post is just all over the place so take caution. I did all of these things at very different moments in my situation so everything is just things to think about.
I may be giving some really bad and controversial advice but I wanted to just throw some random thoughts out there. Maybe something will hit home for you.
