I'm struggling with feeling low about my sitch since last night. Went to church, had a hard time not crying. It is truly hard to hold to 'Thy will be done' when there is so little improvement.
I also have great resentment, knowing that W and S5 are spending the weekend with MIL/FIL, a 'happy' family on the surface that hides loads of gunky abuse history. It literally nauseated me to be around them during our M, seeing the impact on W's behavior and knowing that her treatment of me would worsen as soon as we would leave.
I guess that's the beauty of DBing - letting go of the past, forgiving, and staying focused on the present to work toward one's goals. This is so hard! I've been laboring at this since November. I have to remind myself that I have improved so much, and that my R with W has as well.
I don't want to end up as a bitter divorcee. I want my wife and child back - fulltime - as a family. I miss them.
