Thanks Martha, M, and Jo for your posts! All very thoughtprovoking.
Martha and M, I appreciate your blessing my grumpiness. I truly feel like I woke up on the wrong side of the Murphy bed today. Probably should avoid W if that doesn't change.
Jo, you are I are on the same wavelength, and thank you for calling me out if you disagreed w/something I did/said. I truly need that and welcome it.
Note that I didn't bring this up to her. She walked in on me 'fixing' his hair at the sink (I needed water to wash some of it out). As she bolted away, I knew she was upset, but had to rush off with him as we were late for school and work.
Here's a brief back-n-forth b/t W and I via email this am: Hi W, I've thought twice about some things, and would like to keep the old dishes and the kitchen table. So lets not sell them, okay. Just need to be as fiscally responsible as I can be if I'm to get some other things accomplished.
I wasn't trying to insult you regarding how you fixed up S5's hair. He's being teased a bit about it, as when there's a lot of mousse or gel on his hair, it dries really shiny and plastic-like and other kids are noticing. I tend to massage his scalp/hair with warm water first, then work in a small pea-sized amt of gel, spreading it throughout his hair before combing it. I konw that your mornings are busy and you have tons on your plate. Just wanted to mention that for him. Thanks, Gabe
W responded: Ok on the furniture. Thanks for the input on Isaiah. I had no idea and feel bad that I caused him to be teased. I replied: No worries...hope you're not beating yourself up over this. Just typical kid stuff that he'll forget in a few hrs. I'm liking our more open communication.
Thanks for thinkg to take him to NASA. That'll hopefully be fun for both of you. Take care, Gabe
W called and left a friendly message during my IC session at noon today, so I imagine she is okay with this. I'll see her early this eve at his swim lesson.
Jo, your read that I'm still too hard on W is accurate. I was vocally picky at her mothering early in his life, and now I need to further adjust my thinking and actions. I think I've rooted out the critical words, yet I need to look at my nonverbal stuff and to truly be okay with some of her difference. Jo wrote:
Quote: You can win this woman through your child. He is the link between you.
This is huge, and I am very glad that you pointed this out.
On another issue, IC is starting to stall. I'm doing so much more work here than I am in there. The therapist is a good source for reality checks but is not quite offering what I need. He is too individual-focused, looking out for my welfare, regardless of the cost to the M or R, and I need someone at least friendly to the idea that I want my W back. I'm likely going to start with another therapist early this summer.
M, I agree with Jo that the nature of DBing is to be carrying the load of R work, until the WAS recommits. Its just the nature of our situation. There's truly no other way but to shoulder the workload. Or to quit. I'm okay with this for now, and am using to help me practice a better way of being in general. Kind of a personal growth bootcamp, if you would.
