Good to see you back! You are a great presence, especially on this particular forum.
M, I think your changes in terms of dress, physical shape/health, and PMA will all help to pull him along eventually. Unfortunately, the WAS' depression is their personal task to face. My W is wrestling with the same, and hopefully will be successful. I truly appreciate your commitment to him, but it probably needs to be expressed by focusing on yourself and working in a disciplined, unrelenting manner to improve yourself, and through yourself, your R. It is that enhancement to the space between the two of you that will help entice H to grow with you.
I enjoyed watching S5 go thru his swimming lessons this early eve. W was sitting with a row of mothers when I arrived, but she smiled and acnowledged my arrival. I sat a few rows back and over on the bleachers, and was amazed at S5's improvements - he's like a little fish now. W looked back several times to comment and point s/t out to me. I stayed relaxed and positive and walked out with them after helping to towel him off after the class. W seemed to get guarded when a young woman walked by us while I was looking in that direction at S5's antics. So some hypervigilance about other women remains. Yet she made eye contact with me, and probably could see that I remained relaxed and focused on her as I said goodbye to her.
Another nice 10 min exchange over the phone later this eve as I called to say goodnight. Was able to compliment her assertiveness at work, and touch base in a friendly manner about the house and our furniture. Overall, communication is WAY up vs. during the past few years in the M.
W looked back several times to comment and point s/t out to me. I stayed relaxed and positive and walked out with them after helping to towel him off after the class. W seemed to get guarded when a young woman walked by us while I was looking in that direction at S5's antics. So some hypervigilance about other women remains. Yet she made eye contact with me, and probably could see that I remained relaxed and focused on her as I said goodbye to her. 