Quote: Maybe W is starting to run so that in the near future you 2 can do it together.
Lost, would you get your mind out of the sack for just a little?! Rather than her trying to make herself more similar to me, I think she's finding old interests that she's lost along the way - interests that she discovered long ago when we first met and fell in love. Maybe she's seeing if they still fit?
Kevin wrote:
Quote: I'm #2!! I'm #2!! I'm #2!! I'm #2!! Wait a minute, that isn't such a great thing, is it? Not only that, that statement makes it sound like I have no PMA. Gosh, I'm being hard on myself!
'Nuf said! Kevin, I do take her therapy as a good sign, although we all know that IC and MC can actually hurt a M, this one seems over, and all that is left is to focus on the R. I'm taking a "leap of faith" mentality with it. Kevin also wrote:
Quote: Gabe, your recap sounds like good things and I'm glad you have found peace and patience. Remeber when you 1st started posting? You've come a long way, baby!!!
Its been a long, grueling learning curve, but well worth the effort - for me, for my R with S5, and hopefully, this growing friendship with W.
M wrote:
Quote: how do you detach in a way that allows your wife her space and does not allow her to believe that you are ready to not be in her life anymore? I am so afraid that if he sees me "moving on" "getting a life" he will say, See, she doesn't really need me. She can get along just fine without me."
M, I think it depends on the sitch, but when you have a proud, pompous WAS not willing to own their responsibility in the R's problems, there is a need to 1) make significant improvements in yourself (physical, occupational/financial (may be stability here too, or better budgeting), social, spiritual; 2) keep things light with the WAS (not so heavy/serious/R focused; and 3)drop the rope (GAL work, creating mystery, experiencing life w/out the WAS with them 'discovering' some of this). Its a longterm process - you have to be willing to let this play out over several months or even years, trusting that you're going to be just fine without them. Have the mindset that the loss of the R is their HUGE loss and that you'll survive. Don't focus on what you're losing, focus on what you can gain if H responds to your positive changes and you two can then share a beautified R. If you are mourning the past R, maybe take a second or third look at it and be blunt with yourself. What sucked about it? What did you accept that lowered your selfworth? Start devising or dreaming up your dream R with him or someone else and create your 'half' of that within yourself, and truly expect to draw the other half to you.
Rather than her trying to make herself more similar to me, I think she's finding old interests that she's lost along the way - interests that she discovered long ago when we first met and fell in love. Maybe she's seeing if they still fit?
Kevin, I do take her therapy as a good sign, although we all know that IC and MC can actually hurt a M, this one seems over, and all that is left is to focus on the R. I'm taking a "leap of faith" mentality with it.