I miscarried over the weekend.

I spent most of last night at the ER. Not fun. Basically, the ultrasound showed that my uterus is now empty... There was still some hcg in my blood, but way too little and probably headed down. I definately was pregnant, and had lost it.

By Saturday night, I already knew I had lost the baby. I already felt empty. I didn't want to go to the ER. However, I was still bleeding...and I was feeling pretty light-headed.

I thought about going to work today. Being busy sounded nice, and I have a lot of stuff going on this week. It's a bad week to miss. However, I didn't get home until 3am...and I was still feeling weak. I also figured, if having a misscarriage and staying half the night at the ER isn't a reason to call in, I don't know what is. Mostly, I was afraid I would just start crying at work.

I'm glad I stayed. I slept all day. It's been a long time since I've slept so much. I'm still tired.

H was getting really excited about the baby, too. He was having fun telling people. We were making plans. He was even picking out baby names. I couldn't believe how much he was looking forward to it...this was actually what I used to dream about, the past couple of years. H, who never wanted children before. Not only was it his idea to try to get pregnant, but he was so excited about it.

I only even knew I was pregnant for two weeks. Only six weeks along. That's not very far, but I'm small enough and skinny enough I could see where my stomach was starting to expand. Even just a little. It didn't even feel completely real that I was pregnant...now I have to absorb not only that, but that I lost the baby.

I know, intellectually, that this type of misscarriage is very common. And that it shouldn't impede me getting pregnant again and carrying to term. However, it doesn't actually stop me from worrying or being upset. H and I suspect that I had a misscarriage when I was still in college, before we got married. (10 days late. Never took used an HPT.)

I don't know. I'm feeling very alone right now. H is sweet...he's very upset too...but I mean alone in a different way. I don't know how to explain. Just that I know, even if it wasn't very far along, that the being that was growing inside of me is gone. It's a very empty, strange feeling. I'm not looking forward to telling the people who had known about the pregnancy that I lost it.

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]