Holy moly - What a wonderful re-union feeling, first Rotz and now you Great to hear Phoenix is working out well, and the job is more civilised.
I like your analysis of why we really are angry - I must try the same approach with NG, because very often his gripes make no sense to me. Perhaps a more lateral translation of Martians is needed
I can recommend the kung fu and the yoga, for sure. I LOVE kung fu AND yoga, both for their meditative qualities as well as their demand for full (complete) body strength. And both are mind-body connective.
Great to hear you're doing so well! Keep us posted!
I'm not sure why I wnadered in here tonight...maybe it's the wine. I was really more curious on how some of the older folks were doing.
H is now working as a personal trainer at the gym. Work is going well for me. I am surprisingly not worried about H at work anymore. He basically quit bartending because he knew it would make me unhappy. (I didn't tell him not to, just told him that it would make me unhappy, and he should respect that.)
Anyway...my point is...I'm not constantly afraid of who H is talking to at work and how they might be "better" than me. Not sure when that happened, but it just switched off like a light again. It's a great feeling.
I'm learning how to better communicate my insecurities to H. I've learned how to phrase things in "I'm having this problem..." instead of "hey, you caused me to feel this way." It may sound simple, but it has made a world of difference.
I am, finally, again remembering why I was so crazy about H. It's a good feeling. That silly feeling of non-reality, of feeling like we're a big fraud, has faded again. And much faster this time around.
Definately enjoying Phoenix. I love the heat, I love the weather... I haven't made any new friends yet, which is making me restless for some friend time away from H. I was afraid of this happening--I am very picky, and have a hard time making new friends. I am keeping in contact with my good friends back in Indy, and am planning on visiting in the next couple of months. Right now, I'm trying to figure out how to get out and meet people with similar interests as me.
The psycho is finally completely and totally gone!!! Hooray for small things. We changed the cell numbers last month, and the nutcase is officially gone. I couldn't figure out why he would always seem so irritated after she called, but still let her contact him. Oh, he made up excuses...but he would still answer the phone. (Although, to be fair, he did tell her to go away several times...she just "forgot" it.) It was interesting to me to run across Rotzilla's and her H's posts...some good clues in there. I think it may be that, even though he genuinely seemed to dislike her, he did get an ego boost out of it. (I think this is also what was behind the bartending.)
Anyway...didn't mean to be so rambling. We are doing well. I am enjoying living with H again.
Hope everyone is doing well! I really just wanted to stop by to say hello.
This past Friday evening, I found out that I am pregnant. It's taken a couple of days for this to sink in with H and I...but we are both really excited. This was definately planned, and I am very much looking forward to having a baby.
We haven't told anyone just yet. I want to confirm with the doctor, and find out an EDD.
We have officially been reconciled for a year and a half now, and things couldn't be better. I feel great...very relaxed, very happy. H is doing wonderful. We are looking into buying a house. I love Phoenix, the job is going well...and really looking forward to all of the things to come. I haven't felt this good in years.
I hope everyone is doing well. There aren't a whole lot of names I still recognize. Just thought I would drop in for a minute.
I read your very first post and it as if I wrote it myself. My H is behaving and saying excatly the same things yours did, and we are the same age.
I am going to read your whole thread and study it because our stitch is so incredibly similar, but I wanted to know from you, what did you think you did to bring your H back? How long did it take?
I am new to the boards and I was reading some post and I read yours. Congratulations on baby!!! I was wondering if you could help me. You say that in your threads you refer to reading M/V or something like that. I was wondering if you could tell me what that is. I have been down a trouble road and we repaired our marriage and now we are back down trouble road. I take things personally and sound alot like you were and my h is alot like your H. He is senitive and If I saw your not doing this or why won't you do this he gets very grumpy and pissed at me. He is not at a state of mind where he will look at himself and see what he needs to change. I have fallen into a trap of depression and all I can think about it us and how bad it is. I woke up this morning and said no more self pitty. Do you have any advice or reading material to help me improve myself and understand him as a male better. Congratulations Again!!
Sage--I knew Jen had a baby, but I didn't know you were expecting, too. Congrats! I don't have an official date, but, according to the internet, should be sometime in early July. My first OB appointment is another week.
Caverna--I'm flattered. Hopefully there is something in there that can be helpful to you. I think a lot of things brought H home. We still had a good, underlying bond. Time. Patience. (Even though I wanted tear my hair out!) I better learned to fulfill his love languages. And I tried my best to make a welcoming environment so he would feel safe to come home. There's no one simple answer, but I feel those things played a big part.
Our second seperation--the one chronicled on the boards--lasted approximately three months. Obviously, there was and is still work to do.
Crimson, I am sorry you find yourself here, but it is a great place to learn. M/V is Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus, which I have found a great compliment to reading DR. (Divorce Rememdy). It has helped me a lot where DR left off. I also found The Five Love Languages to be an excellent book. Ok, I haven't actually gotten a copy of that, but I love the message of it. It's helped so much.
I do have a problem with taking things personally. That's been a huge thing for me to work on over time.
Of course your H needs to change--but you can't make him see or do anything. The only thing you can change is yourself. It's amazing how, once you learn how, you can change the steps in the dance--by altering what you do. If you change, your H will, too.
Wonka and Ellie--thanks for stopping in!!
This is all new for both myself and H, so should be intersting. lol It still hasn't totally sunk in to me.
Oh...some other things I have figured out that may help others... My H is incredibly sensitive. No news there. Well, after I told him about the positive HPT, he got grumpy and withdrawn. Very picky about how I wasn't cleaning or wasn't doing this or that and he has to do everything around the house. I admit...I am bad...but he hasn't brought this up for a long time.
I figured it was related to the HPT. At first, I thought he suddenly changed his mind. Then I thought maybe he just needed me to back off and let it sink in. So I backed off. Well, he got grumpier. So, after my appointment on Monday to confirm, I asked him (gently!) why he's been so grumpy. I got an irritable "I don't know!"
So I told him he seemed bothered or stressed, and I wanted to know if I could help. After a few minutes, he finally admitted that he was getting a mix of feelings he didn't expect. He's a bit scared; the reality of the pregnancy hit harder than he expected; and he thought I would be upset he wasn't more excited about the baby. I told him it was normal, and fine, and I'm a bit freaked out too. After some more talking and cuddling on the couch, he asked me to pamper him.
Problem solved. H's grumpy/irritation/complaining about the dishes was because of other concerns.
So...now he's getting more and more excited, and told me he's going to treat me to a surprise tonight. I think he's going to grill out and take us to a movie.
I've also figured out that giving him space is actually a bad thing in his case when he's grumpy. Usually he wants some nice attention--massage, cooking dinner, etc. Leaving him alone actually makes things worse! Counter-intuitive, but a few months back, as I was backing off to give him the space I thought he needed, he finally burst out and wanted to know why I was ignoring and avoiding him. Sheesh.
In his case, his "guy time" or "cave time" usually amounts to him ignoring the world and playing on the computer or Xbox, or going hiking by himself. Now he just tells me if he'd like to have some time alone. Problem solved.
I don't stop by much...mostly trying to move on, but I didn't expect so many people to stop by! I hope everyone has a good weekend.
Great to hear Phoenix is working out well, and the job is more civilised. 
