Okay, so, long story short, I got a new job in Phoenix. I couldn't post much because, well, things got really hairy (=horrible new boss) at my job, and when I said earlier H moved out...uh...well...he moved to Phoenix back in mid-March.
Which turned out to be not such a bad thing. As much as I missed him--and missed him horribly!--I can tell it's been good for him. He does have a lot of things to sort through, and obviously he wasn't done , and something about him being alone has helped him with that. We have talked a lot on the phone since he moved out. Free mobile-to-mobile. Several nights of three-hour-long conversations. H acknowledges a lot of the difficulties over our relationship, and is trying to figure why he does certain things and how to change his behavior. He was putting in a lot of effort before Christmas, just before he went all alien, so maybe he just needed a break.
Anyway, personal growth is never easy, and I completely admire his willingness to look at himself and try to affect change. It says a lot, to me, about his personality. He is still planning on joining the army--just wants to put in a year living in Arizona to establish residency. As much as I don't want him to go, I also think it will be really good for him. Teach him some responsibility. lol
The biggest thing that I have learned, is that a lot of the reasons why I was upset when he was still here were flashbacks. My new way of handling this is to make myself evaluate why I am upset. Did it happen in the past? Then it's not important. And I force myself to think of or do something else.
And, when H asks me what is bothering me, I now make sure to say "flashbacks." Instead of "you a$$, you did xxxxx and now I'm mad again!" lol Anyway, it's much less accusatory, and it seems to be a term he can really relate to. Sometimes he asks what triggered me, but I'm careful to tell without giving gory detail. And then we drop it.
In general, I am really working at just letting more stuff go. I have this annoying habit of wanting a resolution to everything...I'm trying to remind myself that we just aren't going to agree on everything all the time. I used to let stuff go much more easily in the past. Somewhere along the way I started this habit of wanting to persist arguments. It's kind of silly, actually. So...learning to just let go.
H is planning on flying back here to help me with packing and moving. When he left back in March, he didn't exactly take much with him. lol The vast majority of his stuff is here. He hasn't been around my parents in a very long time, so I am concerned about that...but I think it will be okay.
I did go out to see him about a month ago for my birthday. Phoenix is so beautiful...and warm! I am sooo excited! I didn't want to come back. H and I both actually cried.
Not sure how we're going to do the living arrangements when I do go. I'm staying at H's apartment for at least a couple of months. Partially for financial reasons, partially just to spend some time together. I may get my own place--which would be cool. Or we may just switch to apartment with a W/D hookup, since his doesn't have one. Either way, it will be fine. I do like living with him, but living apart is also okay right now. We've talked about it some, but decided to just take it one step at a time--and step one is getting all of our stuff moved 2000 miles!
I am happier than I have been in a long time. I have always wanted to live in the southwest--Indianapolis is just too cold for me. In all honesty, I hate snow. And I have wanted to move for years. So, I get to move to the southwest and get paid what I deserve...I finally feel like I'm getting somewhere. I had been feeling very, very trapped lately...it's been a long time since I've felt this alive.
So....yeah....I'm so excited I'm sure this has been pretty rambling.
Several nights of three-hour-long conversations. 
