Yuip, my H is involved with a woman that has 2 kids. We married at 18, so too poor to have them, them as years went by I thought he didn't want them he thought I didn't want them.After 7 yrs of M I had very short A. Horrible, bad choice/ experience.After 12 yrs H has A, his lasts for 1 year. We reconcile, he asks can we have kids, I happily agree, cause i secretly wanted them but thought he didn't.12 years later, I was 40 we stop actively trying saying we wanted to look more towards retirement, but still used no birth control, so we don't know why it never happened, I am now 47. His OW is 41 her kids are 16 (g)and 9(b). They are a problem for OW cause they grew up in an enviroment of violence toward their mother (her H beat her) .I hear the daughter walk all over OW and is a problem -big time. the boy is unruly and was prone to physical violence (saw his dad do it)I know my H thinks he is recuing all of them, but the truth is my H is not that kid friendly. Oh he like kids, but I have seen how he is with kids on a long and short term situations, he HATES bratty kids (i do too) and he will have a difficult time trying to NOT dicipline them, plus if the kids are at all resentful of him being there(although by now I am sure he has bought his way into their hearts with stuff and this big beautiful house they are building) he'd better watch it. The girl is 16 and all she has to do is go to her dad and say my H said one inappropriate thing or held a hug too long or whatever, an he is in a worls of sh*t. I fear for him in that, cause given their sitch, it could happen.OW is not yet D from her H, but its coming. But I see your point, I think on some level my H wanted a shot at a family especialy if its one that feeds this rescuing mode. Hey no family is without dysfucntion.No One. This may work for him, but i know my H pretty well, and unless he has applied for sainthood, and is so blind in love with her that none of this matters, their R will present some pretty hard challenges.Right now -I know he knows that and is dealing with it.But he was always able to go to his apt. to escape it somewhat . Now they are living together I believe, and it'll be harder to walk away if he sees there is nothing he can do And looking back on how my H eneterd this R with her, and what he did to me to get out of it, I don't know that he has the maturity to be a full time "dad". These kids have some emotional problems, and not just the kind that come from being 16 and 9. Some health issues as well. I had always hoped we would have had one child at least. Maybe God knew what he was doing. Draggin kids through a D is horrible. I was one of those kids, a long time ago. And yes I say to myself that if we could have only had a child along time ago would this all be different? Its hard to go back and second guess. No one knows. Maybe. Maybe it would be worse. And now there would be kids involved. Don't beat yourself up. You can't help it.And I do think its crappy that he let you go through all that knowing he was leaving. My h was planning for a year and a half, I found out. I don't know how old you H's OW kids are, but no matter. Any age kid especially if it not yours and sometimes when they are, can be a challenge. You know your H better than her. Do you think he is up for it???
