I know what you mean. I have a similar situation that I just found about yesterday.
I moved out of town for a new job at the end of Feb., H was supportive of the move all the way. Now he's been very cold and distant. No interest in trying to heal the R. Told me I need to get a new cell phone since the out of area roaming charges are murder. I went to log into the cell account to see my average monthy minute usage so I knew what new plan to buy. The password had been changed. So I called the cell co. Turns out he had changed the address the bill was being sent to so they wouldn't give me the password. I called again a few days later and the nice lady gave me the password. I loged in. The bills are going to his parents house (no big deal). Well....
I'm scrolling through Feb/s bill. Keep seeing this number I don't recognize come up, and then notice the calls are at all hours of the day, even at 2 am! For anywhere from 15 to 171 minutes at a time. One day was 14x HE called the numer. So I like any curious person going through a WAS and emotionally distant spouse called the number. It was some GIRL! And he had been calling her daily for hours at a time before I even moved out of twon for the job. (and the kicker is, before he started calling her, he was excited about moving with me!)
Of course I seethed (and still do with jealousy). He called later and during our convo asked, 'So What did you want with T?" (I called at what would have been about 10 am their time) I asked, "Who's T?" He repled, "The dogsitter." I then said 'If that's so why do you need to talk to her at 2 am for two hours?" He said she's just a friend he can talk to about all this.....(like she's a non-biased ear....)
Well later I thought, "How'd he know I was wondering who T was?" So I asked him. He said that she got a phone call with a number she didn't recognize and called him to ask what my phone number was. Does he really think I'm THAT stupid? He was probably right there next to her and noticed my number came up. Really, how many of us would call someone else up and ask 'Do you know who this might be?'
But I am so trying to refrain from aling her and telling her off too. I keep picking up the phone and dialing her number, and hitting end before I actually press send. I hurt, because now I know why he doesn't want to work on our realtionship, he's checked out and found someone else that is feeding his emotional/ego needs.
trust me. Doing it will only anger him, and push him further away. Plus when it comes down to it, what will it really solve? Other than make you feel better for a short period of time. Plus, you have to think, with what you say to her, how is she going to twist it around in her favor to your H? And do you really want to lower yourself like that?
I wonder if the phone co. can block certain phone numbers from calling into your house? Might ask....can't hurt.
Keep from calling, I know it's hard. Man is it ever. A friend of mine told me to stick the phone in the freezer...(not that I did, but I thought it was funny)
Hang in there. My thoughts are with you, maybe we can give each other strength on this.
