Love is a choice. Your feelings will ebb and flow.
I've heard that before. Logically, there are a million reasons to choose to love her...then why am I motivated not to?
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Be careful of how much stock you put into believing the latest (fad) info on codependency. Some codependency is not only normal in a marriage, it is also healthy.
I actually "get" that. Sad but true, I might never achieve complete, independent, inner peace and harmony. Maybe that's the key to this whole thing. I'm resent myself for my occasional inability to stand on my own emotional legs which in turn is reflected back on me by her presence. This really makes sense when I think about the times I love her more being just after I assert myself. I used to think that "asserting myself" was essentially "getting something off my chest", but in reality, the subsequent effect of it might be due to the self-love that comes immediately after. There's alot to explore here. Especially if she is functioning in a similar way. Do I resent the person or do I resent the fact that I "need" this person? It goes both ways.
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Are there times when you do have strong feelings for her?
It usually happens when I'm feeling really good about myself first. Followed by her doing certain behaviors and displaying certain attitudes. I try to ask her for more of this without saying "why" I need it. It would freak her out to know that my love isn't "unconditional".
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Pyrrhic Victory
This will be a good one to use at work. I'm not exactly thinking in terms of win/lose...I'm taking all this more as a "journey". At any rate, all my options are Pyrrhic Victories and it's simply a matter of figuring out which direction I really want to go.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
