General post. Does not apply to all genders or spouses. Co-dependency and inter-dependency .
BB and I were co-dependent and inter-dependent. I think she took the negative connotations of co-dependency too far and went to the 'independent woman" image too far in some way while hanging onto the ideas of past generations like men should be the major financial providers. The conflict starts when the H has to be the responsable partner in the M but the W can be more independent.
SD seems to be way ahead of me on the independent thing, alowing your partner to do his/her thing and you do yours. and still respecting the SO. I am not there. I do subscribe to her, and maybe your inter-dependent concept.
I see lots of reasons for the so called womens movements but at the same time it is either over done in some areas or miss used sometimes and marriages suffer.
While in college, some of the mid to late 30ish female students took advantage of the older gender norms when it benefited them and also used the new "equal status" movement's ideas when they wanted a competative edge. It was like the reverse discrimination that was so prevalent at the time.
And then there is ALT Daves question. What if you work on the R to only discover that you two are truely not in love or have differences on core values that you find it difficult to see how either one will ever admire their partner. How far does doing the socital "right thing" or saying SO is a nice person, I am a nice person, carry one in a relationship?
Maybe it's my problem. I don't have friends that spend a lot, are in debt, smoke, drink, go to bars, runaround on their spouse, are super religious, and many other things some people consider exciting. I consider those things foolish and I am uncomfortable being around those activities. So do I stay in a almost 40yr relationship and just suck it up on some things, or do what I want to do and if the M survives good, if it doesn't, be happ anyway.
Right now I choose to work on the M and fix me for what ever happens. I do believe problems follow a person if they are not addressed before an old R ends, so I am giving this R all I have and seeing how far I can take it.
