It's interesting to me that it bothers you more when your H looks at the porn before sex and it bothers me more when my H MBs with it. Maybe we could benefit from each other's POV.
If I was in the mood to "make love" it would bother me that my H was looking at porn in order to get aroused before sex, but since much of the time I am happy to just "f*ck" it's okay with me as long as it's not happening all the time or in the wrong context. For instance, I would have been appalled if after we shared a tender moment watching our wedding video on our anniversary my H felt the need to whip out the porn to get in the mood.
Generally, I think MB is a good thing, so I actually feel like I'm kind of psycho for getting upset about it. I think it has to do with the fact that for years my H led me to believe that he simply had very little physical drive at all. Therefore, last year when I discovered that he was MB on a regular basis though he wasn't having sex with me on a regular basis, it felt like a real betrayal of trust. I felt like a wife who had been doing her best to get by cheerfully on $20,000 a year because that was the best her H could do, who one day comes across a box of receipts that reveal that her H has really been making $40,000, but keeping most of the money for his own personal use.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
