Quote: Julie, Let me ask you this: What exactly bothers you about his porn use?
Ah, thats the million dollar question. By the process of elimination, I have figured out what things about it don't bother me. I have no moralistic, philosophical or religious objections to it. I have no major insecurity issues about it - in other words, I don't agonize over how I couldn't possibly compete with the images he is looking at. I think what it boils down is what GGB said very nicely.
Quote: ...the Church's objection to porn isn't the porn per se, but the fact that it poisons the sexual relationship by encouraging the viewer to use his mate for sexual gratification rather than as a shared show of love...
This is it. This is what bothers me, because it takes away from the sharing and the connection. I've figured this much out. However, here's the crux of my confusion. I seek sex with H primarily as a pathway to intimacy and shared emotional connection, he seeks sex with me primarily for pleasure and release. From my viewpoint, the porn does detract from the goal and from his, it doesn't. This is why I want to tread lightly here, because we are approaching the issue from very different vantage points.
There was a very nice article that MrsNOP had posted the link to, that described the various pathways or reasons for sexual desire. My H has different reasons than me, neither are better or worse, they are just different. I think this caused a lot of friction in our sex life earlier, and I am trying to avoid that this time around.
Quote:
I know you've talked about it here, but I think I forgot. Does it take away from his marital sex drive or not?
Ah, I see I haven't presented facts clearly. No, it doesn't take away from his marital sex drive, it contributes to it. We are both at a very comfortable frequency at 2x a week. H initiates about 75% of the time, and there is no drama associated with it. We both masturbate quite infrequently these days. I have no problem with him MB as often as he wants, lol, as long as he keeps up the frequency with me. I actually don't mind if he looks at porn and masturbates, mostly it bothers me if he does that before we ML.
