Quote: Maybe I'm off-base, but I feel like there is an essential similarity between your sich, my sich and the sich of Julie. With your sich being the worst and Julie's being the best at the moment. The thing I can't figure out is what exactly is making the difference. Is Julie more differentiated than you or I or is her H simply less of a jerk than yours or mine?
Jenny wrote the above in Cally’s thread. I wanted to address it, but move it over here because I don’t want to hijack Cally’s thread.
I feel the urge to defend my husband. If, at any time, I have given the impression that he is a jerk, then I must apologize, for I would never use that word in connection with him. Sometimes, we present a very one-dimensional view of our relationships on this BB because we talk at great length about the sexual part of our relationship. Taken out of context, maybe it gives a very erroneous impression of the individuals or the relationship as a whole.
My H and I have had our differences and our difficulties, but even at our worst, we maintained a basic sense of respect and love for one another. We withdrew from each other, but we never resorted to name-calling or threats. Conflicts arose, but one of us always withdrew and we never dragged each other down into the mud.
I believe the context of our sexual relationship is very different from the context of Jen’s or Cally’s, even though the sexual part of it seems to have obvious similarities. My H and I share a number of values and we are very compatible when it comes to fiscal, professional, parenting and domestic matters. Financially, he is a rock. He is a highly educated professional and makes a very good living. He respects my choice to pursue a career, he respects my choice to work part-time now that our kids are so young. I know he would respect any choices I made in this regard, and we would work together to minimize the impact on our home life. He is an amazing father – not only because he gets down to their level and rolls on the floor with the kids, but he is fully capable of caring for them by himself, and often does so when I travel for work or go out with friends. He is very handy around the house, and constantly performs acts of service for me. He is an equal participant any way I look at it. He is my friend, and my intellectual companion. He is a smart, funny, easygoing, perceptive and genuine person. We have very different tastes and interests in a variety of things, but I enjoy his presence and respect his views. He gets along wonderfully with my family. In fact, my mother thinks he is the best thing since sliced bread, and I’ve often heard her telling people that she has a wonderful son-in-law and that her daughter is very lucky.
This is the context of my marriage.
Yes, we had sexual incompatibilities and various other issues that eroded our connection. But deep down, his love for me and his commitment to me never faltered. For my part, I have always known that he is a man of integrity, even when I was unwilling to admit to my own fallacies and placed all the blame on him. I fell hard for him within days of meeting him, and 17 years later, he still has my heart.
Sexual problems don’t arise in a vacuum, nor do they resolve in a vacuum. Maybe context plays a bigger part than we realize.
