I continue to be struck by the fact that your sich seems quite similar to mine (except that you are handling it much better ). Of course mine does vary from yours in that my H has been more resistant (though perhaps this is due to me being more fused) and also the fact that my H has on occasion blamed my lack of erotic appeal directly for his LD (perhaps leading to greater fusion on my part?).
Quote: 2. In a way, he was as sexually frustrated as I. My insistence on intertwining sex and love limited my sexual expression greatly, and reduced his erotic gratification as a result.
I think you should not concentrate too much on this item as relevant to the problem. IMO it's a bit of a red herring, like the weight issue. I mean if you weigh 300 lbs. or you refuse to do anything but missionary position in candlelight while murmuring sweet nothings, it probably is an issue but OTOH this "reason" for LD, like the weight issue, can easily though perhaps subconsciously become a moving target or distraction. Years ago when my H suggested that this sort of thing might be the cause of his LD he would make suggestions like I should move more or grab his head while he was going down on me etc. This also led to the phase that I've posted about before where I found myself dragging toddlers into the video store on a weekly basis so I could rent porn in order to get my H turned on enough to f*ck me. I do think that the fact that my H is LD has made me a better lover in some ways. I used to be more "trance" style and now I'm more active. OTOH, I've found that there is a definite limit to how much adding variety or "raunch" can affect/improve the situation. I know I've previously mentioned the Updike quote to the effect of "When you find yourselves f*cking each other with vegetables, you know the relationship is over.".
I guess what I'm trying to say is I think some of the othr reasons you listed are more important in terms of your current success. I think #7 is probably most important of all, especially if you realize that it applies to you as well as him. Circumstances change and you may find yourself addressing this issue again but from a different perspective and your H won't necessarily be able to count on you continuing happy with the status quo. For instance, in my sich, five years from now I might find myself LD due to perimenopause (unlikely) or even more horny due to increased free time because my nest will be empty. Part of the reason I'm finding myself able to chill out a bit recently is I'm starting to lose my need to look for guarantees from my H and also, and perhaps more importantly, from myself.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
). Of course mine does vary from yours in that my H has been more resistant (though perhaps this is due to me being more fused) and also the fact that my H has on occasion blamed my lack of erotic appeal directly for his LD (perhaps leading to greater fusion on my part?). 
