Julie, to answer your question about why your list was helpful...
Most of my life I have not been one to just feel horny. I might for brief periods, but not consistently. And in past Rs, if I was upset about something, desire for sex went out the window. When I first started seeing current bf I interpreted the way I was feeling as "horny," but after reading your list, I think it was made up more of wanting reassurance of my attractiveness and desirability than actual horniness. And when I think about it, even these days, I lament the fact that we're not ML mostly because I want ML regularly so I can feel normal and okay about myself and also for #5: everyone else is doing it and I want to be doing it, too. I do get turned on by erotic literature, but don't usually take that desire to him. If he turned me down then, it would be REALLY aggravating. In the early part of our R, I got somewhat turned on by looking at him, but not anymore. Don't know if that's saturation or just hidden resentment (or a bit of both). So it was/is useful to examine these reasons and not just to put them together under "wanting sex." It's akin to figuring out why you're eating... physically hungry, emotionally hungry, bored, tempted by sight of food, etc.
Edited to add (after reading JJ's post): I guess that is my number one reason for wanting sex when I want it: it feels good.
And this is interesting... if we define "horniness" as sort of a pre-arousal state, where you're feeling a little bit of a sexual buzz, or a sexual hunger, and you go looking for a way to satisfy it... I can think about being sexual, not feel horny, but remember that it felt really good the last time, and thus be open to the experience. Sort of like you might have just eaten a huge meal and not be the least bit hungry, but you know that that piece of coconut cream pie in front of you will TASTE good, even if you have no HUNGER pangs to assuage.
