It's been a while since I posted. I am drawn to your posts because they are similar to my sitch. Do you remember me? I had read your posts last year and I didn't remember reading that you actually had a PA. Am I reading right? I have similar trust issues as your wife does. My H will not admit a PA and does not believe in the term EA. He does admit an attraction. I however I saw, at the very least, a strong attraction. I have to say that trust is very hard to regain. My H and are doing much better and it was this time last year that everything fell apart. I still have this incredible need to know that the OW is out if the picture. I still have a PI pull her phone records from time to time. So far my H has done everything right. He comes home when he is supposed to and we are spending time together again. He deactivated his TracFone and S is back and I am enjoying it. I can't help but wonder how often he thinks of OW and what brings up the memories. It's hard for me because I feel that all that we shared was replaced by special feelings for another woman. These were my special feelings at one time and there's just no room for the two of us.
Although I think I have another problem. His SD seems low. He never used to be like this. It was always him chasing me and wanting to. While my kids were really little I was extremely exhausted. Then gaining weight and working 60 hours a week did me no justice. My SD dissappeared. Now that it is back, I wonder where my H's went. I question whether he still has feelings for the OW and wishes I were her. My confidence is not back in full and I am not sure if it ever will be. I have lost 30 lbs since last year and have been feeling much better about myself. My H and I get along much better and we are spending time together. I still have the blues though and it's all related to the A and not being told the God's honest truth. It's my gut feeling that I still do not know the whole story since my H only told me or admitted things as I found them out on my own. This dishonesty still does not sit well with me and causes me to still distrust. I will say that it is coming back but I don't know if I will ever be the same. The shock and hurt will be with me forever and it's really hard to tuck all that away. Once again I find myself visiting this board because I know that bringing it up is a major set back and only puts the thought of the OW in my H's mind. I get mad at myself for not letting all of it go and I know it's the humiliation and deception that were the hardest to take in my case. There are still times when although we are more like we used to be, I still feel that our passion and love has gotten lost somewhere and I do not know exactly how to get it back or if I ever will.
