I can identify with your W a lot. I said the same thing about H..."if you ever have an A then that is the end of it!" This is easy to say as a threat but you cannot say for sure until you are in that sitch. I said that before we were married before we had D1. Now there is soooo much more to lose.
You said you were trying to please her by doing things that you would like done. Well maybe those things are not her love language. Maybe she has different needs than you do. You are not reaching her in those ways. You need to figure out what she responds to. Have you read His Needs Her Needs by Harley or the 5 Love Languages by Chapman? You may just need to find an alternate route of talking or communicating with her.
My H tried to talk to me several times and I didn't get it. He wasn't talking to me in the right way. He wasn't speaking my love language.
Your W says she is happy. So did I, then the bomb dropped! ILUBNILWY!!! Now after working on things I can see that our R is soooo much better now and that I was just fooling myself into being happy. She doesn't talk to you not because she is trying to hide things or not be open and honest. It is because she doesn't know how to express her feelings. There may be some deep rooted resentment that she does not even realize. I know from personal experience.
There have been wrong doings on both of your ends in the M. However you are the one who broke your wedding vows. She probably fails to see that the A was a symptom of your unhappiness not the cause of your problems. I have only figured these things out in the past couple of months with all of the reading I have been doing. I must say that it all makes sense! I can personally relate and put into practice sooo many of the concepts.
Your W says she is happy but does she see that there is a problem? See if she will share in some of your readings, not to "fix" things but to improve and build your current R. Maybe this will help her to have some revelations and see what type of hurt and pain that you have experienced.
I still think that you need to be honest with her but that you need to use some tact and do it in the right time and the right place.
