My spouse and I have been working on her 10-year affair for about 6 weeks. My first reaction was shock, anger, pain. Since that time I think we have made some progress in rebuilding our marriage - going to a good MC, talking between ourselves about what the affair means to both of us, communicating to each other what we would like to see more of from the other partner. One thing that my spouse did during the affair that really broke trust with me was talking about our sexual problems with her lover, and not sharing the problems with me. Finding out this was almost as painful as imaging my spouse and her former lover in the physical sexual activity. I have resolved that my spouse and I must have no important secrets between us -- put up Walls and open Windows, from the description that Shirley Glass uses in her book "Not 'Just Friends'". We have been discussing her sharing her experiences with one of her female friends and after thinking about it and discussing it with her, decided that that was alright with me. Last week, she told she had already told one of her friends that we were in MC. When my spouse told me that, I wanted to tell her I thought that was a breaking of trust, because she had not talked about it with me beforehand; also that person she told is one of her more nosy friends who can let things slip out in open conversation without realizing what she is doing. This problem of mine might seem minor, compared to many of the more severe problems which come up in these pages. However, I am always looking for cracks in the trust we are starting to rebuild, and to me this is definitely a small one that can expand.
SO, what does anyone think?
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
