I come off as a castrated smug? Oh, TS, I truly hope not. I pegged your wife's need just because that circumstance is so common and your description fit it to a T, so I thought it's probably applicable to your sitch. And it was, but there's no smug testosterone deprived laughter coming from me. Geez, I'm just happy it helped.
I ditto tessa's observation. It's not unusual for one partner to think everything's fine and normal with the relationship while the other strongly but silently disagrees. But that serves as a mark of how far away you two are in communicating with each other, and that's going to change. Both books you've mentioned, the Spring and Hendrix books, are great; it's cool that your MC is using them. I think the exercises in the Hendrix book should really serve to help bond the two of you.
Some time ago when it was explained to me by someone about how foreign a new behavior feels at first, they had me do this: clasp my hands together, intertwining the fingers, with one thumb on top of the other. Notice which thumb is on top. Now reverse the positions of the thumbs... and notice that it feels strange. But switch the positions back and forth a few times, and after a while it's not as strange feeling any more. And that's what it's like when you put on new behaviors.
New habits are formed by consciously repeating new behaviors, those bits and pieces that combine to form the new habit. Thought has to be given to it. After a while, they become ingrained and conscious thought to it need not be given.
I'm cautious about your request to know what she's thinking about the OM. Perhaps my concern is unfounded, yet it seems to me that she will probably think of him and miss him. After all, it is a loss to her and there were things she liked about him. Her thinking of him doesn't mean she wants to go running back to him, but there is a period of withdrawal she'll go through or is going through. More importantly, how do you plan on processing whatever information she yields as per your request, is a concern.
