Just Beginning

[TSinAtlanta]

TessaJ,
No, no, you haven't offended me at all. We (WAS and myself) went to our MC yesterday and had an interesting session. I started by saying that I had gotten a chart from the book "After the Affair" (Spring), that lists Trust Enhancing Behaviors that we both need to work on. I suggest some trust enhancing behaviors, my WAS does the same and we list them on a chart we post in the bedroom. We check one box for each behavior we see in the other. I suggested "More hugs and kisses", "Tell me when you are proud of me and why", "Tell me when you think of Richard (OM) and what you are thinking of him" (not each and every thought), and others. She said she wanted me to listen to her more closely, look her in the eyes when she comes home and pay attention to what she is feeling, ask what is wrong if I (she) feels depressed or tired or worried. I had thought that I was doing it but apparently not enough. The MC seemed to think this was a good idea (improving my listening skills), so maybe there is something in what she is saying. I hate to say that because it makes that @*&%!!?!! NYSurvivor seem so smug; I can hear him laughing in triumph. Sometimes I wonder whose balls it was which were ripped from his body and stomped in the dust (please pardon my French). Anyway, yeah, I guess we both (my WAS and myself) have things to work on. Our MC gave us instructions for some exercises for "mirroring" (repeating back to the partner what the partner is saying without making any judgments in the voice), and the exercises were made up in the book "Getting the Love you Want" -- Harville Hendrix. Our MC seems to put a lot of value in the exercises; both my WAS and myself said they seemed kind of formulaic (repeating something without really believing it). The MC said that, yes, many people felt that way about them, but that learning a new skill is often like that.

Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you for your response and support.