TS, "WAS" is a generic term. Perhaps your W was a near walk away...
I was very supportive of my WS/WAW. Never critical, always attentive (not enough, from what she says now)...
Reading your post, in addition to your other posts, I get the impression you haven't realized all that you contributed to setting the stage. Now before you defend yourself, let me please point out that what I get from your posts is pretty much summed up in that quote of yours above. I read where you say it's not like this or wasn't like that, which is your perception of things, but come to find out wifey thought differently. You thought you were always attentive, now come to find out W didn't think you were. What you thought wasn't a concern, now turns out was. Sure, she didn't give hints as to her dissatisfaction, but you'll find again that's your perception, she'll think she did.
That she was ineffective in her relationship skills is not a justification for yours. That's something that she'll seriously need to work on herself. Yes, it seems that if she had only said something certain that appropriate timely action would've been taken, but the fact of life is that such announcements don't happen. By the time they're dissatisfied enough, they quit trying. Besides, there is no guarantee that even if she had told you point blank of her intent to end the relationship if there weren't changes that you would've made changes. That thinking is part of the grieving process you've been going through, it's called "bargaining": thoughts of "if only this had happened or if only she had said this or if I only I had done this or why couldn't I have said/done, etc."
