Quote: What the affairee did will always be "wrong", there's no sense in staying there though if one wants to move ahead. Did you note how a few responses on that thread mentioned that the person couldn't move forward until they had learned to let go? In a real supportive board, where real solutions are discussed and implemented, that should not be the minority expressing that, that should be the majority.
BTW, Blondie was posting to me. Sheesh, it's not always about you!
I didn't look at all the responses that closely, but thought it was an interesting topic. Here's another: Why do WS's (WAW's?) cheat in the first place?
Here again, the responses are all over the map. I read the WAW article by Michele yesterday. I am still getting familiar with this site. Do you (y'all) refer to all WS's as WAW's or are only some WAW's. The description of WAW in the article does not describe our situation at all. I was very supportive of my WS/WAW. Never critical, always attentive (not enough, from what she says now). I was the one who said "I love you". She never said it on her own; only in response to me, "I love you", "I love you, too". We pretty much shared (and share) household chores; if she cooked, I did the dishes, etc. What else? She never gave a hint she was dissatisfied with the marriage (WAW - will try to fix what is bothering her in the marriage, then pull back if it doesn't work). Other than the attention to her needs issue, which wasn't an issue, more like, "You aren't listening to me"; but she would do the same to me, I would say something, and she would say, "What, I wasn't listening?". Anyway, if this were a big issue, there are ways to bring it up and let one know it is a concern. "Honey, I want to talk, I am concerned that you are not listening to what I say to you sometimes." We never had anything like that conversation. Now she says it is a concern, but God, to totally destroy a marriage -- marriage trust is destroyed, as far as I am concerned; we are in the rebuilding stage -- of 10 years over something she never even let me know was important? Anyway, my point is that many WS's, at least my own, was nothing like the WAW described in the article.
Do you go to the Met Opera? Do they still sell the SRO benches in the back of the main Orchestra floor? (Used to go there when I worked in a school in CT). Liked The Apple - went there for my first visit to run in the NY Marathon. Quite an experience to see all the different ethnic neighborhoods come out and make noise. My WS has never been.
I know everything is not about me; just didn't understand the order of the posts.
All the best,
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
