"The physiological shock of all this pain kind of reverberates and throbs over time before it lessens. The intensity and frequency subside slowly--AND IT IS INDEPENDENT OF ALL YOUR POSITIVE THINKING, SPIRITUAL INSIGHTS, AND BEST INTENTIONS. "
I don't see in the above any hate, anger, negativity; maybe a little brutal honesty, which I am beginning to appreciate.
Now, please... I did not write that EVERY post and EVERY member on SI is negative. I wrote that my sense was that many are.
Insofar as that post you quote, I tend to disagree. I know for a fact that the emotional consequences of infidelity can lessen in frequency and intensity very much helped along with one's positive thinking and insights. Again, whoever posted that on SI is perhaps not able to do whatever they need to to accomplish that, and so believes it can't be done.
The gist of the advice I have been getting is that my "WS" made a choice on her own to betray me, and I still must work out in my mind (and heart) if I can trust again. And that this will be a long, gradual, frustrating process.
Betrayal is traumatic, no doubt about it. It does shatter trust. It shatters blind trust, and you'll probably never hand over blind trust to someone else again. But, you know, that's a good thing to learn. there is another type of trust you could build, more of a trusting of yourself, where you would function highly again in a relationship, whether it's with her or someone else, but keep in mind, all relationships have risk.
Your WAS's choice was not really to betray you. Most likely, the depth of the impact upon you of her choices was not her primary consideration. Such type of thinking leads one to see oneself as a victim. Her choice was really to escape and take care of herself, to such a degree, that even after considering that it might end your relationship with her, she opted for it. It was for herself and done for herself. You know it's a very selfish act.
We are in MC and my "WS" seems committed to the process. She has also said that she is sorry for the hurt and pain she caused me, and that she does not want any contact with the "OM", although she still has feelings for him and thinks of him occasionally.
That sounds normal for a WAS. But hey! You ought to be posting HERE and telling us HOW it came about that you two are in R! Sounds more like you have something to tell us than we you. Maybe we all ought to leave because you haven't posted?
But some feedback is better than no feedback at all
Don't know about that... but I'm glad to pitch in.
