Just Beginning

[TSinAtlanta]

This is my first visit to the MB. I found out 3 weeks ago that my wife of 10 years had been having an affair of phone sex and occasional visits to other cities for sex with an old affair partner of hers that she had known before we had met. I was shocked and angry and upset and hurt and all the other emotions you can imagine. I found out through a letter from the other partner's wife. The partner's wife had been friends with my wife in her former life and I had never met either of them. The partner's wife was also very hurt and angry when she found out about the affair.

I felt as if ten years of my life had been destroyed. I am still in the beginning stages of accepting what has happened. I am able to function on a daily basis in the job. I am not losing sleep, get plenty of exercise and don't drink too much. There is a lot of advice and support out there for people in my situation, although I had never imagined that infidelity was so widespread. I am in contact with two pastors at our church who have been very supportive and helpful, and who referred us to a very good marriage therapist. My wife has told me several times the affair is over; she has had no contact with the partner since the breakoff. She also has said several times that she is very sorry for the hurt that she caused me, that she thinks we have a good marriage and that she wants to help rebuild our marriage. These are just the facts. I am running on hope right now. I am now suspecting and fantasizing about things I had never thought about before. Especially troubling is imagining my wife and her partner in intimate sexual details in bed together. I understand that is something men do more than women; whatever, it is very hurtful and troubling. I am expecting this recovery process to last quite a long time, from the reading and the talking with therapist and pastors who have had experience with these things. I am now becoming familiar with flashbacks, obsessions, dreams, etc.

I would be interested if there are any men out there who have going through something like this.

Peace,
TSInAtlanta