Quote: I will think about the questioning hour. I don't think that my husband will be up for that. Since we had some pretty in-depth conversations last week he asked if we could move forward and stop dwelling on the past. I told him, "yes", but look what happened.
If you don't think your H will be keen on this, chances are you're right. To have these questioning hours, BOTH partners would have to accept and agree to them. Seeing how your H just wants to move on (most WASs want this), you need to try and avoid ALL R talks - they don't help.
If something happens and you feel you need reassurance, you can ask for it in a very subtle way. Let's say for example (and I believe this is an example from Michele in DR), your H says he'll be home at a certain time. That time has come and gone. Then your H walks in the door (x) minutes later. Rather than flying off the handle immediately and asking, "Where have you been? You said you would be back by noon! Why did it take you so long? Why didn't you call?!", instead wait for a moment then try something like, "I know it was probably nothing, but when you showed up late, I was really scared and worried. I don't like feeling this way, so help me please. Tell me why you were late." Michele says don't ASSume, don't condemn, just ask. And don't attack! If you attack, then you'd better expect to be attacked back.
IMO, you have to drop the R talks. Get DR IMMEDIATELY and start reading NOW! There's a section in it that deals with infidelity and it will give you a better understanding of what you and your H might be feeling. Don't let your H know that you are reading it though.
Remember - HE IS BACK! Good luck.
JV
Valerie
"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown
