You are right, I think there is a recognition in this country of the importance of mothers and their contribution to the family.
I asked way back about inheritance etc, but then of course it was just in theory, now that my mother has actually died, I will ask again to make sure.
At this stage it really is about securing a decent roof over our heads and having some breathing space. I can't afford to be NICE for the heck of it. If I can keep all my mother's money for D and I, I will. Money runs though H's hands like water.
About separating the emotional aspects form the other. Well, I feel my respect and love for H has really died just recently. I don't wish him harm, but I do wish him away from me. He is not good for me, he was right about that at the time of the bomb!
But, when he appeals to my sense of "fairness" he knows it is a button of mine - I will start bending over to be "fair", without noticing how I am getting shafted...
I am beginning to understand how H is a manipulator. An Emotional Manipulator. He is not together enough to organise manipulation/deception on a grand scale or with much forethought. He is also very lazy, selfconfessed, by the way. But I still have to be wary and use my "interpretation kit" all the time. Nothing is what it seems, or can be taken at face value.
The advantge of staying here is that I have built up a network of contacts and friends in this city, that is very valuable to me. Starting from scratch in another city in this country at this point would be out of the question.
Even buying and selling houses is a major pain. It is anywhere, but much more so here. Not to be done lightly.
About how I respond to H regarding spending the night. I do not wish to antagonise H unduly, and it is not really in my nature to be mean (99% of the time! ) but I also want to get through to H that he is not welcome here any more, not just this time. I think I will tell him my sis is here, but also that in our present situation it would now be "inappropriate". Remember, he used that word with me when I invited him to my country of origin last year? Maybe by using that word he will get it?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
) but I also want to get through to H that he is not welcome here any more, not just this time. I think I will tell him my sis is here, but also that in our present situation it would now be "inappropriate". Remember, he used that word with me when I invited him to my country of origin last year? Maybe by using that word he will get it?
