Thanks for your response. I am sorry if I seem paranoid about protecting the details of my situation, but I really don't fancy being identified on this site. It's the only way I can afford to be frank with you all.
About the child support. I reckon about half of what he pays goes towards costs that are spread out throughout the year and the other half are day to day expense like food etc. So if he has her for a month, I would be willing to contemplate him paying just half that month. I will ask the lawyer if that is even necessary.
About expenses - I am at this very moment applying to renew D's passport and just that little detail has cost me nearly $100 in fees, photocopies, photos and postage. These things add up. And that doesn't include all the time and effort involved, downloading the application form from the net, filling it in, finding lots of documents, getting a recent passport photo done (early morning before school), getting the photo attested by someone "of a certain standing", arranging a bank draft, going to the PO to send it registered post, etc etc. It is all hassle that H doesn't have to involve himself in. Know what I mean? (I am sure you all do!) I need to start keeping a list of all the work involved in my life. I already keep a record of all expenses.
The SA was arrived at without going to court. After he made his initial offer to me (I get all the equity in the house and nothing else!) I went to a lawyer to get advice. I asked them to outline what any judge would award me. As merely separated (not divorced) parents, I was told what was reasonable. H was invited to come and discuss. He did not get his own lawyer, which he could have done. He ranted and raved about the unfairness of my lawyers, I told him he was free to get his own. He eventually signed the agreement that was hammered out. It tapered from more support to less. I just about manage at the moment, but will have to find more or better work long term to survive as it is.
I have been approached by English language schools to teach in the evenings, but I can't with D to look after. Most adult TEFL classes are held in the evenings, for obvious reasons. I already have one evening student and it is enough, as D is still young and needs my attention sometimes even then. The language schools, by the way, pay rather badly. If I could get more daytime TEFL teaching that was decently paid, that would be ideal.
You are right about my self esteem taking a beating, I realise that so clearly. I took on board so much that he threw at me, now I realise it is so much a menchanism to justify his actions.
You can be assured that I won't be rolling over easily on this one.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
