Alone

[Livnlearn]

Thanks for the Mother's Day wishes, only we don't celebrate it here on the same date, and even then *I* have never been celebrated... It would require H to help D to organise it, and that has never happened! He even forgot to be the tooth fairy when I was away and he was cavorting with OW1 just prior to the bomb.

On Saturday I emailed H with some end of school year dates and function details. Also told him what D's new bike came to finally after the add ons. Techinically he should go halves with me on it but I didn't ask him, though he offered to some weeks ago. He said he was broke last month, but would pay next (this) month. I am not holding my breath.

I also asked him to make sure D put on sun cream in the sun, and ended with "Have a nice weekend". The email was to the point and not much more.

I received a reply from H on Sunday, which was quite upbeat and friendly, telling me which events he would likely make.

Today he rang a short time ago. He wanted to know if I was having server problems. We share the same host. After discussing that for a while, he said he was coming down on Wednesday, and would I meet him for lunch? I said I couldn't. He said, which day do you have free then? I said, it really does depend from week to week as my students change all the time (true).

H said, I really do need to talk to you about a couple of things. I said, I would like you to email me about anything you wish to say to me.

H said, but I want to meet you and talk to you face to face.

I said, I don't wish to meet you. (That came out very calmly and without me having to think or steel myself. I really do feel that way.)

H said, throughout our marriage you never wanted to talk about anything! (projection, projection!!! Who was the one who walked out of our marriage, saying it was OVER without a single word/discussion in advance? )

I said, well, please just email me about stuff.

H said, you really are turning into the most vicious B***h!

I said nothing, and he put the phone down.

I feel nothing for this man, I can just see what an aggressive bully he is.

Of course I feel concern about how I will manage and weather the storm, and we do need to come to a long term solution sometime so he has NOTHING to use as leverage against me (except our D of course).

But I felt pretty calm and my thoughts were collected. I was clear I didn't wish to meet him. He is not pleasant to meet. Why would I want to?

If we have anything to discuss, we can do it by email. That way I am not put on the spot, D is not there, and it doesn't have to spoil my day. I can consider any replies I give. I also have a written record.

Interestingly, at one point during the convo, H said, I don't want to write it all down, it is not a fixed thing, we need to talk.

If I don't talk to him over the phone or face to face, the only opportunity he will have to abuse me will be by email, and I will have a written record of it.

H made me very angry a number of times the year or two before the bomb. I know no one can MAKE one angry, but his behaviour was pretty provocative, looking back at what was happening. No wonder I reacted badly. I was also in the dark about what was going on his end.

But since about Sept/Oct 2003, I haven't said a harsh word to the guy, certainly no abuse or rudeness.

I don't think I need to put myself in the firing line any more, do you?

Whatever will be, will be, but I am not the victim any more.

Amen.

Livnlearn