Alone

[Livnlearn]

Update -

When I went into town today I had only a little time as I had to be back home for a lesson. I did all the things I had to do and then rushed back.

This evening H calls and asks if I got his tobacco. I said, I'm afraid not. He said, that doesn't surprise me, and put the phone down.

Then he rang a second time and asked if I went into town.

I said, what is this, an investigation?

He said, so you went into town and didn't get my tobacco, that's just F***ing typical of you!

I said, is it? (Is it really typical of me? Good question that. What do you folks here think, is it typical of me????)

H put the phone down.

I am not passive aggressive, but I am tired of being jerked around and taken for a servant.

I always saw my mother's huge apetite for being served by others - my sis and I used to talk about it all the time. But I never was so conscious of my H's need to have his commands obeyed. I have always been so very obliging. And in return, H has rarely done anything that took him out of his way for a minute or a yard.

I remember a year or two before the bomb, I was in town with my friend, and H was also in town doing some personal shopping and stuff. We all met for a drink together. We were going to continue on our separate ways after that for a couple more hours. H had bought some stuff, and when we got up to part, he handed me his shopping bags. I declined to take then and said he could carry them! He was taken aback and annoyed. Did he really think I was some kind of mule to just relieve him of his shopping so he could go around empty handed? (The answer is YES. )

If we went on walks, I would often have a backpack, typical mummy stuff - all kinds of "just in case" items, right? He would want to put lots of his stuff in there, like his hat, gloves, jacket etc. But at times when all I had on me was my keys, and no pocket to put them in (you know what women's clothing is like, often not a pocket in sight) H would refuse to carry my bunch of keys, saying he hated to be weighed down.....

I guess I am just going to have to hunker down for the retaliatory shots that are sure to come my way. I am tired of bending. I will stick up for myself and take what comes. One way or the other I have to distance myself and get on with my life.

Livnlearn