Liv, I've been meaning to write you about setting boundaries with your H. I think our Hs are very similar. Mine is narcissistic and passive-aggressive. He is emotionally sneaky!
So, what I've learned to do is be very specific when I ask him to do something. Not "Will you pick up the kids after school?" because that could be 6pm! I say, "Will you pick up the kids at 4pm?"
I say, "I do not feel comfortable having you in the house. You may come into the foyer but no hanging out in the house."
I say, "I am not comfortable having you sit in the same pew as me at church. Please sit somewhere else."
I say, "No, I will not join you and the children for lunch."
I say, "No, it's my weekend with the children. You may not join us in our outing."
I don't want to sound cruel or anything. It's not that -- I am actually very cordial in my contact with STBXH. I'm just firm and continue to stick to the boundaries.
I use email to contact him, and got caller ID so the kids answer his calls.
Maybe that's anti-DBing, but it has improved my mood because I am no longer whipsawed or manipulated by the Master Manipulator.
