Mojo, yesterday I considered 'letting' H pay for our drinks (and he had chosen to meet in a place where the drinks cost more than normal) but in the end I thought paying for the drinks was WORTH it to get away from him decisively! You know?
I think your suggestion of simply saying "No thank you" is rather good! No explanations and frills. Why bother? I simply don't wish to do something with H, so I won't! He has NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO trouble doing that to me!
I was reading that Narcissists usually pick (or to put it another way, they get away with suckering) people with a well developed (over developed?) sense of responsibility and wanting things to be kept 'nice'. So while they get away with murder, there we are bending over backwards to accomodate them and smooth things over. And while they don't have a sense of guilt, they manage to arouse our sense of guilt to the hilt and milk it to the max.
By the way, Mojo, your reference to this "caper" made me laugh!
As to deserving a medal and all that, I don't feel at all deserving of anything such thing. I feel tied up in knots and pathetic.
Just yesterday, my friend at the pool talked about my "obvious" potential. I have heard this all my life. I seem to have enormous "potential" which is somehow almost completely untapped. Right now my energy is being sapped by this "caper". Time to exit the caper and get on with MY life!
One problem is that in this country I think you have to be legally separated for three years before you can divorce. I would have to be resident in the other country to get a divorce there as we were married in other country. So I either have to wait another couple of years or move residence. Still don't know what is for the best on that front. And whether staying in this country is in my best interests, and that of D.
Quote: Can you see what I'm trying to say here Liv? The key is you decide what you want, then plan what you're going to say, and then practice it. And believe me you will have to practice it.
I think that is the key. I just have to be clear about what exactly it is I want now.
I think I will let H know that I will only communicate with him about visitation and money etc by email. This way I get time to consider what he says before responding, there is also a written record, and I don't get caught out and put in a funk during times when I need to concentrate on other things like lessons or social evenings at my home. All contact with H seems to work like pollution in my life. I want it to be "contained".
As for the whole month of August, etc. I can sense that H would prefer to sabotage my plan to have a whole month off somehwere, you know? On the other hand, the neighbour's children are up there for seven weeks, so it would be easy on him, as D will have friends to play with all day. Seeing as H has his "rights" with regard to D, I intend to make sure he avails of them!
This is not going to be easy. As soon as I lay down ground rules like only communicating by email, H will up the ante for sure and become aggressive. But perhaps I shouldn't borrow trouble???
Let's see.
Ok, we're off for a cycle ride today on D's new bike.
Have a nice Sunday all!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
