You've been at this caper a lot longer than me. Quite honestly I think you're brillinat and deserve a medal. Undoubtedly I don't deserve a medal. But, and I know that I've said this before, your h is very similar to my h. By that I mean your h is selfish! He thinks of himself and no one else. Although he does put up a good pretence of thinking of others, he doesn't, not really.
Like me you're very good at predicting what your h is going to do next. I use that to think out, plan and practice what I will say to him. Now, I remember you saying, in the past, that you were going to say no to his lunch time invitations. I think it was sometime after Christmas. Remember when he always seemed to invite himself to lunch at your place? So that involved you buying and preparing the food. But really these coffee shop lunch breaks don't seem to be working out....especially if you have to pay!
But there are lots of other issues with your h that you are not happy with. At the end of the day you have to decide yourself what you are most comfortable with and what approach to use. You have to stamp your own personailty on whatever it is you decide.
I know with my h, who does suffer from a diagnosed personality disorder, he can't cope with "flowery speech". What he does with that is pick out the bits that he wants to hear and ignores the bits that he doesn't want to hear. So what I'm trying to say here is if I want to say no to my h that is what I say. I say no. Oh and I say thank you. Or I might strengthen that by saying something like No I don't want to do that thank you. But really the fewer words you use the better.
Can you see what I'm trying to say here Liv? The key is you decide what you want, then plan what you're going to say, and then practice it. And believe me you will have to practice it.
Also set your ground rules. For example, I find it very difficult to talk to my h on the telephone. So I don't do that. I've told him that I won't talk to him on the telephone and I stick to it. If he calls me I say I'm not prepared to talk to you on the phone. He has the choice then....he can write to me or he can meet me face to face. Again you have to decide what you want. My h never writes to me, we always meet face to face. Usually at my house or a coffee shop. If it is in a coffee shop he pays for his while I pay for mine. You have to find what you're comfortable with Liv. Just some ideas.
Oh and just some thoughts on the summer. You're talking about your h having your d for the whole of the month of August. Now, are you going away for the whole of the month yourself? The reason I ask is it seems to me that you think it unlikely that your h will have your d for the whole of the month. So, you need to decide what you would like if it doesn't happen. When do you really want to be on your own without your d?
