OK, I have a practical question for all of you out there.

Next time H tries to rope me into meeting him or whatever, what words can I use to say "NO"? (I mean the frilly bits around the "no"!! )

Clearly but non-aggressively?

I don't want to escalate a bad situation, but I don't want to meet him either. He still has ways to get at me should he wish to get back at me.

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates