Shortly after writng the last post, H rang me. He said he was planning on taking an early bus up again so he wouldn't have time to come to the pool. (I sort of expected this, he hates pools and beaches, and has refused to go even for D's sake in the past.)
So he said, I'm in town - can you stop by for a coffee on your way to the pool "so I can see D"?
Of course I couldn't easily say no without seeming churlish, so I thought, what the heck - it's only a coffee, I can handle that. So I said OK.
I turned up. The first thing D asked her Dad for was her pocket money and then she was off seeing how she could spend it in a nearby shop. H didn't look too pleased.
While she was away, he asked me how I was, and I replied, quite well thanks.
Among the things he said were -
How's work going? D tells me you have enough to keep you busy... (Looks like he asks D for info on how much work I am doing...) I told him it was OK.
I remarked that he was paying quite a flying visit to the city (two and a half hours, with at least four hours of travel involved) and he said he had really only come down to buy tobacco! He laughed. Then he told me he had been looking for a certain kind for ages, searching on the internet, for suppliers in our country etc. Yet he happened to be walking past a shop in a certain street in town and noticed that they in fact stocked this very tobacco! (That doesn't tally with his story that he CAME DOWN TO BUY TOBACCO. But I have begun to realise that H will say whatever he wants to, to obtain an effect or to serve his purpose at any given moment. He will of course deny saying any such thing in the future. And of course because his lies/fibs/exaggerations/flights of fancy/concoctions of convenience/whatever are so opportunistic or "on the hoof" he of course can't possibly remember all the sh+te he has served up in the past to convincingly repeat the same sh+te accurately the next time!) But I made no comment.
He said, so I'll have D for August then. I said, great! Let's say from the 1st to the 31st, OK? So I can go ahead and fix my summer plans. He said, well I am not sure yet exactly when I will have her, I have to ask my friend in other country when he is coming over... (Bear in mind in our agreement it says we should have agreed by end April) Anyway, he said, it is early days yet, there's still plenty of time! I said, I would like to know as soon as possbile. He said, why, are you planning to go away somewhere? I said, I am definitely going away to other country to visit my family... I didn't mention any other plans I might have in mind. I told him, I need to book flights in advance to get good deals, not at the last moment.
He said, well, I'm not going to commit to anything now!
Then he said, we need to talk about the house. I said, what's there to say about the house? (Remember I predicted that he would soon start on the house talk... Remember I heard D saying on the phone to him recently "But our house is fine for us two, it's not too big"?)
He said, I want to buy a house. (At the time of the bomb he said he would never buy another house!) He said, I want to buy a house together with my friend R and his wife and other friends. (We had notions years ago of RENTING a holiday/weekend house with others and that never happened, I just can't see buying a house in common with a group of friends working at out all...)
H said, of course it won't happen in a hurry - not like the next month or two (golly gee that's good of you!) but maybe within a year or so, but we have to talk, I need to get my part of the equity in order to buy something.
I said uh huh. At this point D returned, so I went to pay for the drinks and said we had to be going.
We then went to the pool and had a nice day.
I don't like the fact that H starts out with "I'd like you to come to lunch/ meet me for a coffee!" and then starts to talk about the house or holidays. I really don't need to talk to him about that stuff face to face, especially with D around. We have the internet and email to broach subjects.
I will NOT meet H "for a coffee" or "for lunch" again. I always come away feeling dirty and duped and used. I am going to have to work on learning to just say no, in whatever manner is best, but I am going to have to say NOOOOOOO .
H feels no compunction about talking about the house etc in front of D.
I can understand that he wants his part of the equity. But I know that this scheme to buy a house along with "friends" is just another of his harebrained ideas de jour. In a way I see D and I "sitting" on this house as the only safe investment for the future that either H or I has.
But ultimately I long to be separated from H financially. I don't want to be entwined with him in manner any longer.
There is lots I could say about our convo today, but I don't have the energy to type it out right now.
Will just end with a couple of things.
Was reading "Loving What Is" at the pool today, and can't comment yet as I haven't got too far.
The other day I bought a telephone with caller ID facility. Just wondering when to start using it. D will want to know about the new phone, as will H no doubt (the answerphone will have a different message/voice). How to get around just saying up front, I wanted caller ID so I can screen out "certain" calls at times??
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
