I'm sorry to read about the rough time you're having with D9 right now. I was prompted to reply to you because you have encouraged me when I've posted about difficult interactions with my D9.
FWIW, I think the rebellion is a way of "gaining control" in their worlds. It has been very helpful in the case of my D9 to work on the art of compromise. Usually when we are in a situation that we are disagreeing about I can say, "Stop. Let's take a 5 minute break and then work together on a compromise." We come back together and each state what we would optimally like and why and often we are able to juggle things just enough that we are both quite satisfied. D9 is easier to handle when she knows I will hear her POV and will take it into account. There's definitely times when this technique flies out the window in the heat of the moment and there are times when compromise is not an option.
I have a question for you:
Quote: I told her, no TV for a month and no others priveliges for this week.
LNL, I'm sure this consequence will be a tough one for your D9 and hopefully one she will remember......but will it be harder on her or on you ? Will you be able to reinforce this for a whole month? Will the time that your D would have spent watching TV be time that you will need to fill with other activities? That you have to generate and or supervise?
What would have happened if you had called a time out because you were both upset and declared that you would discuss it in the morning? Would you both have had a better chance to state what you were upset about with, hear each other, and work together towards a resolution?
I hope I don't sound all "know it all", LNL!! Goodness knows I struggle with my DD's. But the scenario I've described has worked really well for me (and D9! ). As another facet to this, I've started having D9 think up consequences for her actions. Usually she has to think up 2 or 3 possibilities and then we work together to modify until we are both satisfied that it fits the situation and will be remembered.
Just some ideas, LNL. I hope your week only gets better.
~Alanah
"It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at the moment, we expected some other good."
C.S. Lewis
). As another facet to this, I've started having D9 think up consequences for her actions. Usually she has to think up 2 or 3 possibilities and then we work together to modify until we are both satisfied that it fits the situation and will be remembered.
