Well, right after I posted that stuff, I thought, "even if it's true, how does it help?"

What you said here
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he was telling me that his anxiety rockets when faced with the prospect of demonstrating the desire that he does (sometimes) feel. So he chooses the easy route..does nothing, and hopes that I 'know' that the desire is there.

I think is EXACTLY how my bf feels. But add into his sitch that he cannot always get enough erection for penetration. So I've gotten where I don't want to Go There because both of us just wind up feeling worse. We don't have the taboo obviously about oral to completion, but I think he believes that his lack of E makes him repulsive to me. Actually it's not the lack of E that bothers me so much (although it does bother me-- yes, he has viagra, and no, he won't take it- no good reason, loses pills, makes excuses, etc), but his believe that the E is the be-all and end-all that really ticks me off.

Did you ever get Kosher Sex. Even if you don't share it with h (after all views are Jewish not Catholic), I think you would like it. It presents very passionate sex in a deeply religious context. The difference is that orthodix Jews believe that sex is VERY important. I took a class on Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) recently, and it's a Kabbalistic belief that a man is not a whole person without a woman-- and that includes sexual union with a woman (his wife, of course). That in the sexual union is the closest place on earth that we can truly experience God. How 'bout that? And the Sabbath (Shabbat in Hebrew) is the holiest day of the week and is further sanctified by ML on Shabbat.