HP, smack me if you want to but I can't help but think your H's position on desire is linked to the Catholic stuff about sex being basically a yucky concession to our baser animal desires. And whatever fluff the Church may put out about the sanctity of marriage, etc., that is the bottom line: it is better to be celebate than married, and the BEST thing is to be a virgin (like the BVM who managed to have a baby without ever doing it). "It is better to marry than to burn. (St. Paul)"

If he lets you be the one to produce all the heat, he doesn't have to feel his own lust, which in his mind, is probably a sin, even when it's for his own wife. Rats. Kind of like a woman who lets her husband "force" her because she likes sex, but Liking Sex is not a quality she can reconcile with her "Fully Dressed in the Kitchen Making Breakfast for the Kids" persona. I think you are a beautiful example of owning and showing all the facets of womanhood. But because of his religious beliefs (IMHO) your guy can't let himself be all the facets of manhood. This theory would fit with his tendency to make advances in the middle of the night where there doesn't seem to be as much open responsibility for wanting you and going after you. Just my $.02.