Cemar, This is the big question in my household right now.
It seems that we have different definitions of desire. To me, desire is a word and has a specific definition. You can't really change the definition of a WORD just because you experience something different than your partner. In that case, YOU need to come up with a different word. That is sortof how my thinking goes.
I wouldn't even be having this convo with him, except that he continually asserts that his desire is "just like mine". It really isn't. So I feel the need to keep hammering away at him (smack me, I deserve it) in order to demonstrate that No they are not.
My desire is: a strong longing for him. Covet or crave would be other words for my feelings. Another way to put it would be: The feeling that accomanies an unsatisfied state.
His desire is: a wish for me. I can't think of any synonyms because I'm trying to convey a feeling of wanting something but not necessarily needing it. A flicker of want that is fairly strong but still all the same has a "take it or leave it" quality to it. That is NOT what I feel. He rarely gets to the "unsatisfied" state so I don't know that he can truly relate (as he swears he does) to how I feel.
Ok, now that I've stalled on your question long enough, lol.
Our natural desirous ways would be as follows: Me: I wish he would desire me every day. I'm not saying that has to lead to sex, but I do wish the desire was there every day. I think it lends an element of fun and sweetness to a marriage that you can't get anywhere else. Him: He desires me, I mean truly "gotta have her", probably once per week, maybe once every 10 days.
Because I stay in good shape and try to dress nice-but-sexy and drape myself on him and sleep naked and flirt with him and give lots of x's and o's and touch him often, he ends up feeling desire more than he naturally would. This is a compliment to me, I realize that.
I do fervently wish, that the standards were not so high with him. It seems that I have to have a KILLER body and do TONS of touching and sleep naked every single night (even in winter, brr!) or the desire fades and dies out. I don't mind keeping in shape but yesterday I was feeling sorry for myself that me at a size 8 doesn't seem to get the same results as being a size smaller. I don't mind, I like being that size too but it all goes back to that "I deserve to be desired, no matter what my size is..." thinking that I was talking about yesterday.
