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In my head, I have this idea that having a man to desire me is my...birthright or something! It is not a gift, it is my RIGHT.
I know this is screwed up thinking, but I've thought this way so long (do all women?) that it will take time to ditch it.





I know what you're saying, but I don't exactly feel that way, at least not all the time. First of all, I don't think you mean that all you want or have a right to is that "a" man desires you. I think you mean you have the right to expect that "your" man should desire you. I mean, geez, we all know we could find some man who would desire us. I do feel like I have the "right" to expect that my H should make a reasonable effort to meet my sexual needs. OTOH, he has the "right" to not meet my expectations and suffer the consequences of my disappointment. Whether he truly "desires" to have sex with me or simply wants to please me by having sex with me makes no difference as long as he also wants to please me by not making it obvious in a rude way that he's not really gung-ho about the sex. The question you asked your H was kind of a "Does this dress make me look fat?" question and he could have answered it in a way that would have been honest but more kind or thoughtful. For instance, he could have said "How can I compare the loss of the Holy Sacrament of marital intercourse with the loss of sugar?".

Mrs.NOP,

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NOP's drive exists outside of me and my being. It is turned toward me and I impact it, but I am not the instigator of it. Which would explain why many LD folks entertain the idea that it's less about them and their desirability and more about their spouse and spouse's desires.




This isn't exactly the right way to look at it, IMO. For instance, what if NOP woke up tomorrow and found himself married to a HD female version of Rush Limbaugh. He would still have the same internal drive but I bet his outward manifestation of it would go WAY down. This is why HD folk often take the rejection from their LD spouses so personally. When a HD person turns someone down sexually it almost always is something repulsive about them that is making us turn them down (except in the rare instance of killer thunderstorms or cervical infection ).

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver