Funny, my H has a major sweet tooth also. I also think he may have given that same answer. Why? He has been accustomed to depriving himself of sex over the years - seminary, dating with religious values that prohibit sex, and a personality that places sex at the bottom of the list of what is important. And I really do understand that you only want to be WANTED in your marriage and that every other part of marital happiness somehow comes in second to this. I feel that way too. I feel that the desire to be a good partner in the other areas flows from sexual bondedness. That I want to keep a nice house, be a good partner etc... because HE is the person that I am sexually bonded to. I want him and that is part of my motivation for the other things. KWIM? It does ick me out to have to request touch. It does make me mad and make it less sexy. I do feel slighted but I just can't seem to get out of this dilemma without communication and as you said, confrontation with my own demons.
The thing I keep realizing is that for my H it doesn't work that way. I think that sexuality meets his physical needs first and emotional ones second and that those physical needs can be sublimated to an extent that makes them easy to ignore. Given all of that Mr. HP doesn't even see the sweets vs Honey as an issue to compare. He doesn't equate the desire for sweets and the desire for Honey. To him, his desire for Honey is a given, a part of him, almost like his favorite shirt. Everyone (including you) knows it is his favorite shirt and to him it seems obvious that honey is his favorite girl. The sweets are something outside of him and therefore, more problematic. Does that ring true at all?
BTW - I think things will look up considerably after the surgery and recovery.
