Quote: but I don't understand why a God that is supposed to be all knowing and giving and loving would want a couple to have 10 children and drive them into the poor house, or why God would allow such a thing as his own representatives in the church to sexually abuse children, or have sex with women who are members of the church, then they church transfers the priest when they become pregnant
I don't claim to be an expert on God, but this is what I believe:
God gave humans free will. It is the illicit use of free will that perpetuates human suffering, not God's rules for living.
Our relationship to God is much like the relationship that a child has with his father. When the child goes astray, it hurts the father to have to correct his offspring. It hurts the offspring to be corrected. It may appear that people are getting away with evil, but they get corrected on the same basis as everyone else. It's just that correction takes place in God's time, not ours. We are here to learn the lessons of spirituality so that we may live an everlasting life with our Lord. Everyone struggles with their human nature, some more than others.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
So if he's been adulterous, we're no longer married? If I had my tubes tied, I'm a sinner? See, this is why we have problems with sex. Too many people and entities trying to tell us what is right and wrong and condemning those who vary from the dictated route.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Lina, That passage refers to knowledge BEFORE marriage.
That is, if my H was completely impotent--but didn't tell me before we tied the knot--then the marriage is not valid in the eyes of the church. It was based on false precepts on my part..namely that we'd soon be gettin it on.
The church also says that a marriage isn't valid until it's consummated. So if there is a couple who doesn't ML for 3 months, then they are not technically married in the eyes of the church, until they ML. Sex is a very powerful thing and there's really a lot of interesting theological documents written about it. I've read many of them, though H hasn't.
As far as the impotent man who wants to get married....I don't know. Don't even ask.
Mel, I will know you're truly HD when you stop with the Willy Wonka everyone's-in-one-bed dreams. LOLOL
Csw, my surgery is on Monday. I haven't been on antibiotics now for about two weeks (baby is lovin it) and I am feeling it. It is really starting to hurt when I walk, etc.
Last night's update: I was all excited cause H wrote me a nice email with a promise to "talk" about what we could do, sexually, in the meantime until I'm fully healed. He never mentioned it again. He later said that he forgot all about sending that email, which sounds fishy to me as he sent it literally 5 minutes before walking out the door. ? I was a little taken aback when he walked in and acted like nothing had happened..we hadn't been flirting with each other 45 min prior...just business as usual. I don't understand this. So I was very disappointed. Let down. I really thought for a brief flicker there that he would be interested in keeping the flirty vibe going. He later said he had no idea what he wrote to me, he just wanted to respond and delete it and get back to what he was doing. Hmph.
However, he did wake me up in the middle of the night to (attempt to) ML. It was nice. He really tried to set a hothothot mood but first of all, I'm not that coherent at 4 a.m. and second of all, I was still a little miffed about his "forgetfulness" of the night before. Life with H seems to be two steps forward and one back. Oh well, it is forward movement and for that I am grateful.
Quote: He later said he had no idea what he wrote to me, he just wanted to respond and delete it and get back to what he was doing. Hmph.
Ouch! like, saying anything just to shut you up or something. Yuck, ouch,ick. That would have gotten me pretty upset and wondering how many of the other emails he's sent you were of the same variety. Can't even remember what he wrote! I hope you called him on the carpet big time for that. That is totally turd-like.
It really did hurt my feelings, only because of the subject matter. He KNOWS this subject is important to me and I would expect that, even if he were writing a "get her off my back" email, that he would have the sense to address it further when he arrived home. It's like he keeps screwing up and never learns from his mistakes. Is this possible? Can one person be this dense? I'm leaning towards "no" and that leaves only the explanation that he just doesn't care to talk about this subject, and doesn't care if it upsets me. What other conclusion can I draw?
However, MrHP often gets flustered and "get me off his back" responses are common around here. You'd think by reading that that I am a shrew of a wife who is always nagging him, or hounding him about something. My gosh, this could not be further from the truth! I am easygoing and fairly quiet (except when mad) but he cannot do two things at the same time. It is a bit of a running gag around here. He'll answer a question, I'll say "what?!" and he looks up at me with a blank expression..."what'd I just say?" I don't know if it's ADD or just AD (awfully dumb) but I've gotten used to it. So when he said he was just trying to get me off his back, it DID hurt my feelings but not crush them as it used to when we first married.
What hurt more was that he was flirting in his email and then it turns out that it was a thoughtless gesture and I got all excited, like a chump!
You betcha! Carpe Diem! (Carpe his naughty bits too if you get a chance )
I sometimes do what he's doing, but it is usually with the kids when my mind is totally somewhere else (like work). As bad as it comes across to you, it feels even worse to me when I realize I'm doing it. The kids are getting pretty good at calling me on it, which is a good thing. I guess it is a symptom of it being a subject that he is not all that interested in, doesn't want to deal with it now, or something along those lines. I don't think it is ADD or AD, but more of a bandwidth problem...he subconciously doesn't want to devote the brain cycles to it right now so he goes on autopilot.
My H also cannot do 2 things at the same time. He seems to have forgotten everything he ever learned in his life since he retired. He asks me questions he knows I have no idea what he is talking about. Then gets upset when I don't know the answer. He was watching CSI last night when I walked in and said something. Now this was an episode I know he has seen at least twice (he recorded the marathon, it played no less than 4 times last weekend ) I had to repeat myself 2 times before he even acknowledged I said something. Asking him to talk while doing anything at all is impossible.
Hang in there HP ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Annette
I can only imagine how you are feeling. You have this surgery looming, you are uncomfortable and the nicest thing you could imagine is getting a little bit of lovin from your H. Yet, your H not only ignores this need but even when he acknowledges it he does so in a half-@ssed way and doesn't carry through. Damn it anyway!
I do feel how crappy that must be for you. I do know that your H has really been trying and I have to give him points there. Are there some things that you can ask for between now and the surgery that are specific and would help you get the physical closeness and the feeling of being wanted that you desire? [Let me just say that as I say this I realize that when I bring these things up to my H even when I am very specific I usually get the offers of QT that you described before - How can anyone convert "I want you to feel me up and french kiss me in the kitchen" and "Bend me over the bathroom sink on some unspecified weekday evening" into "Ok, I hear what you are saying. You are feeling unloved. Let's have dinner alone on Saturday"? Confuses the H*ll out of me.]
I think you had it when you said that it is a communication thing. He responded appropriately to your email so he did GET your communication. He just didn't follow up or carry it forward. Hence, time for you to communicate that it wasn't hypothetical you really did mean the communication to result in action. My H does the same thing BTW - he will send a flirty email or card but ACTION does not necessarily follow - usually, does not follow.
I am terrible at asking for what I want, sexually. Any other area, and it is not a problem. I might be the most forthright person, and almost always kind, you'd ever meet.
I think part of it is pride..not wanting to HAVE to say, Hey would you place your hands between my legs for a while? And part of it is the fact that if I have to ask, the whole thing is not sexy to me, for some reason. I guess it is the whole pursuit angle. I want to be pursued and know that I have the ability to make him crazy. As it stands, I don't drive him crazy and he does not pursue me. Even during periods of long abstinence, he does not pursue me or get hard when I touch him. It mystifies me.
Last night, he got absolutely fcuking furious with me because I asked him: What was harder..giving up sweets for Lent, or giving up your wife?
The anger was totally inappropriate so I knew I had struck a nerve.
Imho, it is a sad day when a man misses chocolate more than his wife. He never would answer me, just got VERY mad at the question.
Anyway, we are conversing quite nicely today but I'm tired as all get out from the 4 am rendezvous.
I do have to say that I always felt put off when I was really trying to be all that he wanted me to be, but he still found fault with me. Like he was just looking for my shortcomings intead of celebrating my excellence. It gets really cruddy to be really trying (even if in your own mind) then to have the love of your life tell you it just ain't good enough. Nothing kills a love buzz like a critical eye.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
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) I had to repeat myself 2 times before he even acknowledged I said something. Asking him to talk while doing anything at all is impossible. 