Last night was fine. We talked it out a bit..as much as you can with 3 little kids around..and I do feel better this morn. Nope, JJ, he fell asleep on me last night (while I was touching his penis, sigh) so no nookie but I feel better nonetheless.
NOP, MrHP considers any sex that is not penetration to be a mortal sin. So I probably could talk him into it--if it had been long enough--but he'd feel terrible the next day and so would I, knowing he felt like that.
Lillie, I do think it would be beneficial to me to do the work you are suggesting. I can think back to many times in my early days when I felt 'less than desirable' (not sexually, of course). My dad had several unflattering nicknames for me and was neither loving nor affectionate nor kind nor attentive to me, as a child. He basically neglected me (and the rest of my family) to the extent that we scarcely had food, clothing and shelter and frequently went without these. So I realize that a lot of my neediness with H is due to FOO issues. He has even pointed this out to me. He is not responsible for "healing" these past issues (that I truthfully never even think about) but he IS responsible for his own personal growth. This is where the whole thing breaks down for me, I guess. I do need to work through some FOO issues but guess what? At the end of it, there will be my H..still professing that he's too shy and awkward to force himself to show his desire. That I will just have to trust that it's there.
Last night, during part of our conversation, he said "I feel like the fact that I love you means nothing unless you get sex." I pondered on this for a moment and replied, in a nice tone and one that didn't match his snottiness, "I don't see it that way. It means everything to me that you love me, but...for me...the love can't stand on its own for very long." He loved this reply! It seemed to really convey what I am all about in a way that he could relate to. He repeated those words back to himself and said, Yeah I see what you're saying! I hate that my husband thinks that his love is secondary or not important to me. It is everything to me. But it is also important that he show this love in a way that is meaningful to me and not just a way that is meaningful to him. Otherwise, I don't get its full impact.
Mel, ignore MrHP for a while, eh. Intriguing idea. When I don't give him physical affection, he tends to think that I am mad at him. Or he does as he did last night and say, Put your leg over me. So he doesn't want to touch ME, but he feels like he needs to initiate some sorta contact or I'll be out of sorts. For those of you who are thinking, Oh he just likes it when you do that! I don't think so...he was asleep within seconds and then within minutes he was shaking me off. He did try to explain to me that he just doesn't like to be touched or talked to while in bed but I wasn't in the mood to talk about him, lol. I've told him that I need some extra reassurance and love and somethinsomethin while I'm ill and he doesn't do it. What I'm supposed to make of that, I don't know.
However, it was really a nice night. At one point, I mentioned that I would like to get a new robe this weekend, as I don't want to walk around the hosp next week wearing a gown with no back on it. And I know that I will not be able to lay in bed for 2 days and will want to move around. He jumped up, loaded up the kids and we went to the mall to buy one. This is NOT like my H. He is the most anti-shopping person you'll ever meet. He calls the mall nothing but "hedonistic consumerism". I was so surprised and delighted that he would do this.
He is a fantastic person. Kind and loving and generous and funny. If he were sexually responsive to me, I think I'd be over the moon for the rest of my life!
