Honey, what about oral? That seems like the obvious question to me.
This might be a good occasion to explore the UL approach to your feelings. You were asking about it the other day.
Can you think back to a time when you were a little kid that you wanted to know that someone important missed you? When you think about the core of the irritation you are feeling toward your H, try to trace it back to its roots... back past the sexual ingredient... to a time when you were wanting to be noticed or missed and you did everything you could to elicit that response from some important person in your life, but you were unsuccessful. Try to do this without judging or blowing it off. Imagine you're interviewing a three or four year old child.
When you get into the feeling, ask yourself what familiar response the feeling evokes in you (e.g., wanting to run and hide, wanting to shout and break things, etc.) AND what familiar beliefs does the feeling evoke (e.g., I'll never get exactly what I want, I could disappear and no one would ever miss me, and stuff like that). Spend some time on this part; don't rush through it.
Here's a tough one: what's the payoff to YOU if he stays this way forever?
And what is your deepest fear about things staying this way?
Just explore these. There's no door prize or anything. It won't make the infection go away or your H change to be the way you want him to, but you might get some little insight that will take off some of the pressure.
Just deciding to squash your expectations or "get over it" or not be mad when you're really mad-- those things don't work for me. It's like I have a tangled ball of yarn in my hands and I can't just keep knitting from there. I have to untangle the tangled strands or I can't rest.
