Hi Joe, welcome aboard and sorry you have reason to be here.
Every time someone new joins and tells their story, I shake my head over the variations in our situations-- and yet they all have that common thread running through them.
Another of our regular posters got married because of pregnancy, and she has been struggling for more than twice as many years as you have. I'm hoping she will jump in with words of wisdom.
I'm afraid I don't have many words of wisdom myself at the moment, but your story did hit one of my personal hot buttons. It's the alcohol issue. Someone who has two drunken one-night stands has a drinking problem and may be a full-blown alcoholic. If this happened once, and if she was committed to making sure it didn't happen again, she would have refrained from getting herself in the same situation a second time. This is entirely apart from the infidelity/STD issues which are huge in themselves.
As you've seen from reading this board, when the sex drives are really different, it takes a lot of effort, a lot of commitment, a fair amount of compromise, and often a stint of individual and/or couples counseling to make things work. It's a daunting prospect at best.
When you said that you wondered if you should "take her back" did that mean that you are currently living apart? Do you have any reason for wanting to save this marriage besides the children?
I know my fellows will jump in with better questions and more help. Good luck to you.
