GEL is doing a great job and giving you excellent advice. I wanted to drop into your thread and give you a little information regarding recovery after an affair.
It very often takes a couple of YEARS for a wayward spouse to come completely to terms with an affair. It may be that she really doesn't find you particularly attractive right now. Regardless, she needs to address the reasons she feels this way, and begin to address your needs.
Here is the deal. You are at the point in your hurt that you still feel somewhat responsible for her bad choices. GEL has already talked to you about this. What will happen eventually, is you are going to find yourself very, very angry over her actions.
You, are soon to become the greatest threat to your marriage. Yep, I said that. You are going to lose your respect for her, and want a divorce, or worse, go do the same thing to her.
Both of you need to be very clear with each other. BOTH of you must have a plan for recovery. BOTH of you must work toward the same goal. If you don't address the issues that contributed to your current situation, if you don't address the affair (and all of its causes and the results), and if you don't address what you need to do to recover, then the chances of the marriage making it are greatly reduced.
The days of innocence are gone. Your wife saw to that. What she has done will affect most of your choices in the future, and all of them right now. That is what it will take for you to recover.
Both if you must be willing to directly talk about and address ANY issue from now on, especially a basic emotional need like sex. If you need to work through a counselor, then make sure that you find a pro-marriage one that has mucho experience with adultery.
I practical terms, you need to walk up to your wife and tell her your concerns about the sex, and you need to be ready and willing to hear from her, things that you might not like. She has to make the same commitment to you.
Make sure that your recovery plan includes accountability. Your wife needs to be an open book. No secrets. Your very first boundary should be to make secrets a deal breaker.
Listen to GEL, she can help you.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
