HOW TO "NOT GET BAITED" into an OR talk!!!!

[flip]

I was relatively calm! Didn't shout or cry at first. I told him I wasn't surprised (which is true).

Bad DBing - I told him I was disappointed in him. I told him he was acting like someone who had no idea what marriage is about. I said I thought we had discussed and understood that you solve your marriage prolems within the M and not by going to someone else.

Good DBing - I validated some of his feelings. When I finally started to cry (when I told him I missed his D8, my SD) I left the room. I didn't ask very many Qs about the OW. I generally skirted around D talk and didn't agree to anything. The next day, before he left abroad, I was pleasant and didn't bring up the R or affair at all.

I suppose the fact is, whenever we talk about the R, it's hard and I find out bad things, but I'm always left feeling I'm glad I know - knowledge is a useful thing. I've always really struggled with the whole concept of how to not give the indication that you want the D, but also not pressurise them to stay and show you're getting on with your life.

Should I just pretend I'm all for the D, but do no work for it? Right now, H has done nothing really to further the D, I believe he's hoping I'll take charge and do it all. So I'm just sitting tight. Under UK law he can';t file for 2 years, so he has to persuade me to file. he's said he's in no hurry, so I'm going to take him at his word!