kim, I don't know about all sitches, but in my sitch w/ a classic WAW if I initiate any R talk that is viewed as pursuing. My W has so much pain and resentment still that anything I initiate will just remind her of those feelings and will not let her see the changes I have made and am trying to make. If I allow her w/ no pressure from me to see what I am doing and know that it is genuine and not just to "win her back" hopefully she will be drawn back. I hope what I perceive truly is doubt because I have given her space and support and she can see how I have "come out of my shell" as she puts it.
If W initiates I usually try not to avoid the discussion. I try to listen more than talk, validate her feelings and really try to hear what she is saying. There really is nothing that I can say to bring her back. She knows how I feel. I have been told many times on this board that the WAW knows how the LBS feels. If you do say it, say it once and don't say it again. I have let my W know in moments of weakness how I feel and I won't be saying it again. She needs to see that I am getting on w/ my life and will not be pining away waiting her return.
I am the man who is loving my kids and will keep them from continuing this cycle of destruction.
