HOW TO "NOT GET BAITED" into an OR talk!!!!

[DERaven]

Okay, so this is what happened this morning. I never thought I would ever hear this.

W calls this morning to make plans w/ K's. She is thinking about taking D6 w/ her to the mall to return some bedding and than go to the school carnival. I say I will also go to the carnival and meet her there w/ S2. She says well maybe you should take them both and I will meet you. We talk for a while and can't really come to an agreement so I say let me get bfast for K's and we will figure it out later.

W calls back again and talks to D6. She says how about if Daddy takes you to carnival and I take S2 with me shopping. D6 of course says no and wants M to go. W talks to me and says it doesn't make any sense to take 2 cars. I will come there at 1:30 and we will go together. Then...."So, do you miss me? You have got to be kidding. I pause think and I am just honest. "Of course I miss you, you were a part of my life for 12 years, I will never forget that. W says nothing, I say, "hello". W says, "I am here". I could not really hear her, I thought it was a bad connection but in retrospect I think W turned away and may have been tearing up. I am sure OM was not at the house for her to be talking about these things. That pause gave me a chance to change the subject. W started in again and asked if an old GF would be at S2's Godfather's D's 1st Bday next weekend. I said I doubt it. S2's Godfather's SIL is cousin of ex GF. That is how I met him. W always believed she came in 2nd to ex GF and I settled for her. I guess I was never very good at validating her feelings on this. I had kept a children's book GF gave to me for years. Not because it meant something emotionally, but from a practical standpoint it was a very nice book that I felt shouldn't just be thrown away. I tried to convince W of the "practicality" instead of validating her feelings and understanding. This caused her much pain and resentment through the years. She brought this up again on the phone today. I told her I was wrong and did not respect her feelings. I would never make that mistake in future R's.

Hopefully, we will be too busy w/ K's today to have any more discussions. Driving 8 hours back from Rochester last night must have given her plenty of time to think.

No R talk for the rest of the day. We had a great time w/ the K's at the school carnival. I think W kind of enjoyed people thinking we still were together.

I tried to be honest but in an upbeat way. I did not sound pleading or remorseful. I sounded (and I think I am) like it was a fact but something that is not consuming me. I also made sure that when I validated her feelings about ex that I did not talk about "our future" just future R's. In my mind any R whether w/ W or not will be a new one. My old R is dead and I have to think that way.